


Reach

by caughtyourcold



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Mentioned Do Kyungsoo | D.O
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:45:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caughtyourcold/pseuds/caughtyourcold
Summary: Despite the clear warning on Minseok's journal, Jongdae goes to open it anyway, and Minseok refuses to tell him the meaning of the words he finds.





	Reach

_ ‘You appear between the flashes of black and white, always within reach, but never reachable.’ _

 

∗∗∗

 

“What’s this supposed to mean?”

Minseok’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the voice and he sat up rapidly, making his head spin.

“Hey, stop snooping!” he yelped at Jongdae, who was examining the various pages of his spiral notebook, clearly labelled ‘Kim Minseok’s Journal (keep out or I will hunt you down and serve your unsuspecting family your caramelized body parts for their dinner tomorrow)’. Jongdae jolted in surprise and immediately put the notebook down.

“Oh my god, I thought you were sleeping.”

Jongdae stumbled over his words, placing a hand over his heart for dramatic effect. Minseok glowered at him.

“Even if I’m sleeping, that doesn’t give you the right to look through my stuff, especially my journal, which is oh-so-conveniently labelled with  _ my _ name and  _ your _ cause of death.”

“I gave you this notebook though,” Jongdae argued.

“No, you didn’t. You gave me the first one, and I didn’t even let you touch that one. This is my third.”

He motioned for Jongdae to hand the journal to him, which he did, albeit reluctantly. Minseok took it from him and placed it on the opposite side of his bed, far out of Jongdae’s reach.

“That’s your third already? Have I not visited in that long?” Jongdae wondered out loud. Minseok rolled his eyes.

“You visited yesterday. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Nobody’s gonna pay attention to an outrageous warning like that,” Jongdae remarked. Minseok just flapped an arm at him, having heard similar things in the past.

“What do you have to say for yourself, Kim Jongdae?” he rejoined instead, returning his attention to his said friend with a stare that was plenty menacing.

Jongdae comically raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry … Hey, lie back down, hyung. You’re supposed to be resting.”

Minseok sighed and flopped onto his back, ignoring the twinge of discomfort the sudden movement caused his head. “I do nothing but lie in bed all day. I think I’m getting plenty of rest.”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ At least the hugs Minseok received from his parents were warm, though brief. _

_ “We’ll call every day,” his mom and dad promised, even throwing in that his sister would too. Minseok didn’t meet their eyes. _

_ He hated his mom and dad for bringing him here. He hated the hospital, with its faint smell of disinfectant and its stark cleanliness that left no room for him to escape to the outside and play with his friends. He hated his younger sister for being completely normal. He hated himself for being born with whatever disease he had. _

_ But what could he do but agree to stay in the care of these strangers? _

_ His parents always told him that ‘hate’ was a strong word, but Minseok thought it suited what he was feeling just fine. _

 

∗∗∗

 

“So … about your journal …” Jongdae said in between bites of steamed bun.

“What about it?  … You got a lil’ something there.” Minseok gestured to the right side of Jongdae’s mouth and the latter brushed the crumbs away carelessly.

“Not onto the bed,” Minseok reproached, irked as he dusted off his blanket. Jongdae ignored Minseok’s chiding.

“Your writing’s not bad, actually.  You’re no Picasso—”

_ “Picasso?” _

“—Shakespeare, Shakespeare—but you write some pretty cryptic stuff,” Jongdae said. “Like that line about day and night or whatever. Also, who’s the ‘you’?”

Minseok debated on whether or not to satisfy Jongdae’s burning curiosity. He decided against it.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

Jongdae hurriedly swallowed the remains of his food before whining, “C’mon, tell me, hyung.  What’s with the secrecy?”

“It’s nothing secret.  It’s just that …” Minseok trailed off and Jongdae moved forward in anticipation.

“That what?” his friend asked breathlessly.

Minseok simpered and leaned away. “That you’re too stupid to understand any of it.”

“HEY!”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Minseok-ah, do you want to meet a friend?” _

_ “How are they my friend if I’ve never met them?” Minseok responded, skepticism discernible in each phoneme. _

_ The nurse smiled nervously. “I think you boys will get along.” _

_ Minseok shrugged. _

 

_ “Hi, my name is Kim Jongdae.  Nice to meet you!” _

_ The boy on the other side of the pale green curtain was probably the most cheerful person Minseok had ever met in his life. _

_ “Minseok-ah, say hi,” the nurse prompted. _

_ “Hi, I’m Kim Minseok,” he replied back shyly, not looking at the kid in front of him. _

_ “How old are you, Minseok-ssi?” Jongdae asked. _

_ “Ten.” _

_ Showing off his missing two front teeth,  Jongdae grinned. “I’m eight. You’re my hyung, then! Can I call you hyung?” _

_ Minseok looked up at the hopeful face before him, and for the first time since entering the hospital, he smiled. _

_ “Okay.” _

 

∗∗∗

 

“I really, really wanna know, hyung …”

Minseok snorted in disbelief. “Why do you wanna know what it means so badly?”

Jongdae was nearly pleading. “I don’t even care about knowing what it means anymore.  I just wanna read some of it, pleeeease?”

“You’re not gonna stop unless I let you read it, huh?”

“Nope.”

Minseok groaned, wishing nothing more than to smack that innocent look off of Jongdae’s face. “Fine. Here.” Being the great friend he was, he picked up the journal and tossed it to Jongdae, who screeched something about sacrilege before carefully catching it with both hands.

After watching Jongdae goggle at the front for a good half a minute, Minseok warned, “Stop staring at it like it’s some venerated object and open it or else I’ll take it back.”

Jongdae snapped out of his reverie and flipped the notebook open with poorly-hidden enthusiasm. He pored over each page and studied their words more intensely than Minseok had ever seen him study for any exam.

“Where’s the one that I read earlier?” Jongdae asked as he turned the page some sort of strange reverence.

Minseok grunted back, “Iunno. Find it yourself.”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Why’re you in the hospital?” Jongdae asked. _

_ Minseok pointed to his head and tried to explain it in a way an eight-year-old would understand.  “My head hurts, then everything goes black and white in flashes like this.” He demonstrated by waving a hand in front of his face quickly. It wasn’t the most accurate explanation, but it was somewhat close, and that was close enough for an eight-year-old. _

_ “Like a zebra?” Jongdae asked. _

_ Maybe it hadn’t nearly been close enough. _

_ “If the zebra kicked me in the head all the time, then yeah,” Minseok muttered just quietly enough for Jongdae not to catch. In a louder voice, he said, “No, not like that. It’s like blinking a lot without moving your eyelids.” _

_ As expected, Jongdae tried rapidly blinking to see what it was like. _

_ “It’s scary,” he concluded. Minseok nodded. It was. _

_ “How about you? Why are you here?” he asked Jongdae. _

_ “My heart is weak. Sometimes it gives up and then the machines have to help it. But the nurse-noonas say that if I’m strong and don’t give up, a miracle will happen and my heart will get stronger too.” _

 

∗∗∗

 

“I don’t get it.”

Minseok chuckled at Jongdae’s intense stares at the one certain page of the journal. “Oh, so you found it. What don’t you get?”

“EVERYTHING,” Jongdae emphasized. “Like, what flashes? Who’s ‘you’? Always within reach, but never reachable?”

Jongdae looked like he was about to go insane trying to figure out the meaning of Minseok’s writing. Then he suddenly paused and started at Minseok with wide eyes of realization.

“You have a crush, hyung?!”

“… What?”

“Is she cute? I need to meet her as your official best friend and future best man. Wow, I didn’t think you’d find love in a dingy hospital like this, but I’m so happy for you.”

Jongdae continued to go on and on about first dates and wedding plans and honeymoons, all with eyes sparkly enough to make anyone believe that he was the one who had found his other half.

When Jongdae finally ran out of breath, Minseok said bluntly, “The ‘you’ in my journal is you.”

 

Jongdae’s smile faded and he shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“Uhh … hyung.  Look, I’m … I’m really sorry, but …” He trailed off, then attempted again. “You’ve been a really good friend to me, and I’m honestly super thankful. But I don’t … I don’t like you in that way.”

“In what way?”

Jongdae blinked.  “Huh? You know …  _ that way _ .”

Minseok scrunched up his face in confusion.  “Wha—”

Awareness dawned in the bedridden boy’s eyes, and then disgust.

“No. Just—no. Don’t ever—ew. Even if I  _ was _ gay—not you. Never. Gross. No way.”

“You don’t … you know?”

“ _ Hell  _ no.”

“But you—”

Minseok cut him off wearily. “I never said it was anything romantic, Dae, calm yourself. You’re the one who comes to visit me most often, so I write about you, okay?”

Jongdae let out an “oh”, then added, “I’m still confused.”

“I told you that you’d be too dumb to understand.”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Why are you so happy?” Minseok blurted out, in the middle of Jongdae excitedly yakking about whatever quirky thing that had happened the other day. _

_ Jongdae stopped short.  “Huh?” _

_ “I mean, you act like the hospital’s the best place in the world, but isn’t it just a place for sick people?” _

_ “Not true!” Jongdae insisted. “The hospital is like a second family to me. Maybe it’s not the best, but I like it here.” He turned and said sternly to Minseok, “You just have to give people a chance.” _

_ Minseok turned to face away from his friend. “I hate it here, Jongdae-ah. I’d even rather go back to school than stay here. I don’t know anyone and it’s lonely.” _

_ “You know me,” Jongdae reminded. “I’ll introduce you to a lot of people and you’ll make a lot of friends here!” _

_ “Will they wanna be friends with me?” Minseok asked. _

_ “Yeah, why not?” _

_ “Iunno …” _

_ “Don’t worry, hyung! They’re really friendly.” _

_ And as Jongdae had promised, they were. _

 

_ “Jongdae-ah, if you’re friends with everyone, why don’t you spend time with them instead of me?” _

_ A confused look came over Jongdae’s face. _

_ “You’re my friend, aren’t you, hyung?” _

_ “Well, yeah,” Minseok said back, “but so are they.” _

_ “I like you the best, hyung. Even if you just came.” _

 

∗∗∗

 

Jongdae growled. “I’m not dumb. You’re just too obscure in your writing.”

“It’s not that deep, Dae,” Minseok said. “Just use that tiny brain of yours.”

“Shut up, hyung,” Jongdae replied, already lost in thought. It made Minseok smirk to see Jongdae so perplexed by his words.

“You—I mean, I, appear between the flashes of black and white … that’s so cool, hyung.  You made me sound like a superhero or something. Uhh … so, flashes, like hot flashes, because it’s summer—”

“Do I look like a woman going through menopause?!” Minseok screeched.

“—Er, I mean, flashes, like the … days going by really quick, and I appear in between them whenever I visit. Wait, no, it's about your … illness, right? And then I come visit you in between. Am I right? Hyung?”

Minseok lifted his shoulders and smiled. “No cheating.” He yawned and muttered something along the lines of taking a nap before closing his eyes.

“I’ll just assume that I’m right, then. Okay. Always within reach, but never reachable.”

When Jongdae didn’t make any sound for a while, Minseok cracked open a curious eye. His friend was still scrutinizing the same part of the sentence. Minseok closed his eyes again and fell into slumber.

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Why didn’t you come and play yesterday?”  Jongdae’s face was filled with worry as he looked down at Minseok, who was resting on the bed, propped up by numerous pillows. _

_ “My head hurt a ton,” Minseok said. “Sorry.” _

_ “Don’t apologize, hyung,” Jongdae said. “I have to miss a lot of stuff too when I hurt, too.” _

 

_ “Jongdae-ah?” _

_ “Yeah, hyung?” _

_ “It’s getting worse.” Even as Minseok said this, his head was still spinning a bit from his recent incident. Jongdae’s eyebrows knitted together. _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Iunno. Do you think I’ll ever get better?” _

_ Without hesitation, Jongdae firmly proclaimed, “Yeah. And when you’re better and I’m better, we can go outside and play together!” _

_ Where did Jongdae get all his positivity from? Was there a secret stash that he was missing out on? _

_ Minseok laughed bitterly. “I think we’ll both be too old to play by the time I get outta here.” _

 

∗∗∗

 

Minseok sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty-hyung.”

Minseok glared daggers at Jongdae, who was admiring the sight of his friend with sleepy eyes and dishevelled hair. Jongdae’s mouth curled up in a way that was strangely cat-like as he beamed.

“Call me that again, and I’ll skin you and force you to skinny-dip into a pool of salty hand sanitizer,” Minseok uttered quietly. Jongdae’s smile faltered.

“That’s really specific, huh?” Jongdae mumbled, a telltale sheen of sweat appearing on his forehead. Minseok ignored him and instead asked, “What time is it?”

Jongdae said, “You were only out for an hour. It’s a little past four.”

“Didn’t you come at eleven? Why are you still here?”

Minseok’s eyes followed where Jongdae’s finger was pointing—down to his lap, where his journal was lying open.

“No way …” Minseok breathed. “You’re  _ still _ at that?!”

“Yeah,” Jongdae said, shrugging.

“Did you take a break or anything?” Minseok demanded, at which Jongdae shook his head.

“So the whole time I was sleeping, you were working on it?!”

Jongdae answered, “Yup,” and Minseok made a face in incredulity.

“Didja get anything?”

“Well …” Jongdae scratching the back of his head in embarrassment was clear enough of an answer.

“I can’t believe you’re this dumb.”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Hyung, I’m scared.” _

_ Minseok glanced over at Jongdae, who was fidgeting in his seat and visibly anxious. _

_ “Why?  Haven’t you gotten surgeries before?” _

_ “Yeah, but I heard about what happened to Kyungsoo-yah yesterday.” _

_ “Do Kyungsoo-ssi?  The wheelchair dude?” Minseok had talked to him briefly a few times before, but they weren’t particularly close. He knew that Jongdae spent time with him often, though. _

_ “Yeah. He went for a surgery a few days ago for his leg, and …” Jongdae gulped. “He lost that one too.” _

 

_ Do Kyungsoo had osteosarcoma. Cancer had taken his left leg when he was two, and now, after a long year of stabbing pains, his right leg was gone at seven. _

_ The two mulled in silence before Minseok asked, “What does that have to do with your surgery?” _

_ Jongdae mumbled back, “What if I lose something too? Like my life, or my heart …” _

_ “Don’t say that! I thought the people here were like your second family,” Minseok scolded. _

_ “Yeah, they are …” _

_ “Do you trust your family, Jongdae-ah?” _

_ Jongdae nodded, and Minseok followed up with, “Then you should also trust your second family.” _

_ “Okay,” Jongdae said obediently. _

 

_ The surgery was successful. Jongdae’s lifespan extended another few years. _

 

∗∗∗

 

“Okay, I get that I’m an idiot so could you just tell me what this means so we can both get over it?”

“You said a while ago that you ‘don’t even care about knowing what it means anymore’,” Minseok reminded him, and Jongdae cried out in frustration.

“Minseoki-hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuung.”

Jongdae’s pleas were getting on his nerves, so Minseok decided to relent.

“Fine. Which part do you want me to explain?”

“All of it,” Jongdae begged with puppy eyes.

“What? All of it?” Minseok sighed the sigh of an elder worn out by time. “Okay. Starting with ‘the flashes of black and white’. You were mostly right—”

Jongdae whooped. “See, I’m not stupid!”

“Shut up. There’s more to it,” Minseok barked, going into his infamous ‘teacher mode’ that Jongdae was all too familiar with.

“The flashes of black and white are like night and day. They’re also what I see when my eyes open and close, and …” Minseok stopped, then shook his head. “Never mind. I, uh, forgot what I was gonna say. Anyway, the next part, ‘always within reach, but never reachable’, honestly isn’t that difficult. Iunno why you had such a hard time with it. It could mean in reach physically but unreachable emotionally, for example. Or it could mean that something like a goal of yours is really close, but you’re never able to accomplish it because something’s hindering you. Get what I mean?”

“What does that have to do with me?” Jongdae countered his question with another question.

“How do I put this?” Minseok pondered, getting lost in his thoughts.

“Hmm …” he finally said, “I guess I thought of how you would feel and wrote it in your perspective. But it was kinda like a combination of our two points of view. And no, it wasn’t a description of something you’ve felt before, it was more of … writing something that I think you’ll someday feel in the future. You know … when I’m gone.”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we weren’t trapped in the hospital?” _

_ When Jongdae didn’t reply, Minseok jabbed his arm. _

_ “Ow! Sorry, hyung, I wasn’t paying attention. What did you say?” _

_ Minseok sighed. “I said, ever wonder what it’d be like if we weren’t stuck in here?” _

_ “All the time,” Jongdae replied. Minseok was surprised at his swift answer. Jongdae continued, “When I first came here, I was four. My parents dropped me off and left me with the nurse-noonas, then told me that they would come back soon, but they never did.” _

_ “Why not?” Minseok asked, fearing the answer. _

_“When I asked why they said they didn’t know.  But I think it’s ‘cuz they’re too busy right now, so they’ll come later.”_ _  
_ _“Maybe that’s why,” Minseok agreed softly, though he knew it wasn’t that._

_ “If I had been healthy, maybe I’d be able to see my parents every day and maybe they would’ve loved me more.” _

 

∗∗∗

 

The boy looked over at Jongdae to see his reaction and rolled his eyes when he saw that his friend had his eyes closed and was slumbering peacefully. Minseok socked him in the arm, effectively jolting him awake.

“Oww, that hurts,” Jongdae whined, rubbing his bicep. Minseok retorted, “Serves you right for falling asleep while I was explaining.”

Jongdae complained, “You were just sitting there thinking and not saying anything for the longest time!”

“It was only for, what, five seconds?” Minseok snapped and Jongdae grinned sheepishly.

“Gimme my journal back.  I’m not explaining it to you anymore,” Minseok demanded, and no matter how much Jongdae protested, he managed to stay true to his word.

“Please, hyung?” Jongdae asked for the nth time.

“Go home, Dae.”

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “You’re going home?!” _

_ Jongdae beamed, and Minseok was reminded of the first time he had met him. Five years had gone by so slowly, yet so quickly. _

_ “Woah. What a miracle,” Minseok breathed. It seemed like it was only yesterday that Jongdae had fretted about undergoing the surgery that would ultimately pave the way for his phenomenal recovery. _

_ “I know, right? And to think that the doctors predicted I was gonna be stuck here for another three years.” _

_ Though Jongdae had pounded into Minseok’s brain that the hospital was their ‘second home’, he looked absolutely ecstatic to be leaving the place. _

_ Minseok asked, “Did you say your goodbyes already?” _

_ Jongdae nodded. “You’re the last stop, hyung.” _

_ “Wow, I feel so special,” Minseok deadpanned, only causing Jongdae’s smile to stretch even more. “Congrats on graduating from here. Now go home.” _

 

_ The sense of pride that had filled Minseok has he had watched his friend leave was now dispersing and was being replaced by loneliness. _

_ Minseok missed him already. _

_ Sure, he had other friends, like the cute little girl Sungkyung down the hall, and Kyungsoo, who he had become closer to with the help of Jongdae, but it wasn’t the same. _

_ What if he never saw Jongdae again? Minseok could only hope that Jongdae would come back to say hello. He didn’t think that his casual ‘bye’ was enough to last forever. After all, he hadn’t even been able to see him out and thank him for everything. He at least wanted to do that for his best friend of five years. _

 

∗∗∗

 

Minseok couldn’t sleep.

He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling with his eyes wide open. No matter how much he willed it, he just couldn’t shut off his brain and go to sleep.

Minseok didn’t want to leave Jongdae behind.

Each tick of the clock reminded him of how little time he had left and how little Jongdae suspected. Each passing day reminded him that the next day might be his last.

In between the flashes of black and white, night and day, Minseok felt the grey of nothingness. He felt the monotonous living break into pieces, the staff’s visits disintegrating, and the dull pain in his head subsiding. Minseok thought at first that this grey was something to look forward to, but then the other things started to shrivel away as well.

Jongdae’s frequent visits. His parents’ daily phone calls. Writing in his journal and finally having something to take his mind off the dullness of his day. His second family at the hospital, which he had finally learned to love and cherish after all these years. The chance that he might get better and go on to school, and then become a teacher like he had always dreamed of doing.

He had wondered once if there was a chance that he would someday be healed by a miracle, just like Jongdae. But over the course of the years, he came to acknowledge that while no miracle was going to happen to his brain, Jongdae was the miracle that he needed more anyway.

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Seok-ah, visitor’s here.” _

_ Minseok sat up, blinking the languor out of his eyes. _

_ “Who is it?” he asked the nurse. She didn’t answer his question, saying instead, “I’ll let them in now.” _

_ Minseok stared at the doorway with his breath unconsciously held in suspense. _

_ “Nice to see you again, hyung!” _

_ “Jongdae?!” _

_ A cheeky smile from the visitor lit up the room, and Minseok couldn’t contain his own grin. _

_ “What took you so long?” he demanded to know. As Jongdae took a seat next to his bed, he thought of how weird it was to see him there, rather than in the bed over on the other side of the curtain. The curtain had been pale green before; recently, it had been replaced by a newer and duller grey version. _

_ “I had school and stuff. It was really overwhelming and I had a lot to catch up on, so that made me really busy,” Jongdae explained. “It’s getting easier to handle the amount of homework, but in the beginning, it felt like I was drowning in textbooks.” _

_ “Sounds fun,” Minseok quipped and Jongdae fake glared at him. _

_ “Hey, be nice. I got you a present.” _

_ Minseok’s face was full of surprise. “Really?” _

_ Jongdae raised his eyebrows in a gesture of amusement. Out of his backpack, he pulled out a plain black notebook and handed it to his friend. _

_ “I, uh, didn’t really know what to get, but I hope you’ll use it for something.”  _

_ “Is this a Death Note?” _

_ “Why, whose name are you thinking of writing in there?” _

_ “Nobody’s,” Minseok replied with a seemingly innocuous look. _

 

_ Minseok’s voice was sincere and filled to the brim with gratitude as he said, “Thanks for the present, Dae. I never really thought of getting a notebook, but now that I have one, I’ll use it a lot.” _

_ “No problem.” Jongdae checked the time on the wall clock. “Oh, I gotta go. I promised my parents I’d be home to have dinner with them.” _

_ Once Jongdae had been released from the hospital, his parents had become the loving mom and dad he had always wanted. They were so happy that their son was ‘normal’ now. _

_ As Jongdae got up, Minseok blurted out, “Come back, okay?”  in a voice that tried hard not to tremble. The fear of loneliness was hidden well, but not hidden completely. _

_ “Of course, hyung, don’t worry,” Jongdae assured, trying not to laugh at his friend’s desperation. _

 

_ He came back the next day. _

 

∗∗∗

 

“Minseoki-hyung?  Are you okay?”

Jongdae’s panicked voice bounced off the walls of his head. He was only minimally aware of the high-pitched beeps of the heart monitor that had joined in with Jongdae’s cries. Minseok tried to nod and tell Jongdae not to worry, but his movements felt sluggish, as if he was moving against molasses.

“Hyung!   _ Hyung! _ ”

“Get your hands off me,” Minseok wanted to say to Jongdae, but ended up only gasping for air. His head was going fuzzy in strange new a way that he didn’t enjoy at all.

Then came the flashes.

The black of pain and white of relief crashed into his mind. Minseok’s vision was leaving him again and was being replaced by darkness and light. Pain, relief, numbness. Black, white, grey.

And in the centre of it all was Jongdae’s figure.

When the hospital staff arrived, the black was already winning over the white and the grey. Minseok closed his eyes—or were they already closed?—and relaxed against the pillows. Despite the torturous pain, deep down, he wasn’t worried much. This had happened before, and the doctors would be able to fix him again like they had the past few times.

 

∗∗∗

 

_ “Have you used the notebook I gave you yet?” Jongdae asked with excitement as he plopped down next to Minseok. _

_ The elder boy nodded and presented the journal. A new label had been applied to the front—‘This is the property of Kim Minseok.  Touch without permission and you die’. _

_ “That’s not very threatening—I mean, I know it says I’ll die, but it’s too … vague. It doesn’t make my skin crawl with the thought.  Besides, nobody’s gonna pay attention to that threat. You’re not even gonna follow up with it.” _

_ Minseok shrugged and waved his opinion away. “The point is, they shouldn’t be snooping.” _

_ “What do you use it for?” Jongdae asked, altering the topic. _

_ “Just writing,” Minseok said concisely. _

_ “What kind of writing? Can I see?” prodded Jongdae. _

_ Smirking, Minseok replied, “I’d rather die.” _

 

∗∗∗

 

Somewhere in the background, he thought he could hear Jongdae calling for him. Minseok was confused as to why Jongdae was acting up so badly. This wasn’t the first time he had been present during one of his episodes. Maybe something was different this time around.

Minseok tried to stretch out a hand to reassure Jongdae, but even though his friend was right by his side, he wasn’t able to reach him.

 

∗∗∗

 

_ ‘You appear between the flashes of black and white, always within reach, but never reachable.’ _

 

Only when Jongdae was sobbing beside his best friend’s lifeless body did he finally understand what it meant.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading~  
> i still have a long way to go until i get to the level of storytelling i want to achieve, but i'll work harder to write better fics in the future!! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧  
> feel free to drop a comment telling me what you liked and what i could improve on! i always welcome constructive criticism (provided that the critic knows the difference between criticism and insults hhHHH)


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